I haven't brought up this subject for a couple years, but will do so now. I think all missionaries have one or two companions that they don't "hit it off with". There are two sides to every story, too. I want everyone to be very cautious about the subject of "difficult companions", because two very wonderful people just might not get along with each other. I don't want the MM group to turn into a gossipy place, either. Missionaries gossip enough...just ask your own missionaries about their "grapevine gossip" if you don't believe me. Missioanries talk about past companions, and when they get a transfer, ask about their next companion, etc.

My advice to all parents and missionaries is to learn not to participate in it. When my missionaries wrote home and said they had a difficult companion, I would write back and say something like, "Well, now you know what real life is like. This is a good opportunity to practice learning traits like patience, virtue, love, and tolerance. Afterall, someday you might have a boss or a co-worker, or even one of your own children, who could be worse than your companion. Or a neighbor who might call the police everytime your cat walks on their driveway, etc. This is a time to learn to get along, no matter how difficult."

The solution to difficult companions is not through other parents, but is a private matter between YOU and YOUR MISSIONARY. Let your own child/adult deal with it. I don't want my kids calling me up when I am 90 years old and having them tattle to me about a bad neighbor or co-worker. Now, they may not tattle...perhaps that is a bad word because it implies that they want me to do something about it for them...instead, maybe the word gripe or vent? Griping is okay as long as you listen and let them solve the problem...they just need to vent. However, venting needs to be done privately, with as few people as possible involved, such as a husband and wife, or a child/parent.

I do not go to my mother-in-law when I am upset with her son! Nor do I go to my own mother about any marriage matters. This is a time for people (missionaries) to learn how to handle human relationships.

I have had many church callings, and not everyone, even in leadership, get along. Two presidencies I have served in were released because the President and the 1st counselor in each case, were squabbling and having power struggles. They would want me to "pick sides", and I refused to play the game. In each case, they tattled on each other to their Priesthood leaders. So, this just isn't a missionary thing! But perhaps it is the first time our children come across this outside of sibling squabbles. It is hard when you live with someone and you both rub each other wrong. But it is still between the two of them, and their Mission President.

I would suggest writing them letters of encouragement, and positive advice on how to deal with people. Perhaps Stephen R. Covey's book would be a good one to buy. "How to Succeed With People". I noticed it is back in print and available at Deseret Book. :)

Just my two cents worth! I just want everyone to be cautious about companion talk. :) This list isn't the place for it unless it is very positive.

Betty Pearson, Lehi UT, Listowner
http://www.ldsmissionarymoms.com
http://emailgroups.ourldsfamily.com

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