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Table of Contents | ||
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Note 1: Attitude And Gossip Note 2: Dance In The Rain Note 3: Grateful To Companions | Note 4: Handling A Bad Companion Note 5: Love Your Neighbor Note 6: Prayers Answered | |
| My son has been out in the field for 5 months and recently got a new companion.
He was told who it was going to be about 1-2 days in advance, and the other
elders in his district warned him about how horrible life was going to be.
They said no one could get along with this guy and that he made each of his
previous companions' lives miserable. I am so pleased with my son. He decided to ignore their comments and give his new companion the benefit of the doubt, and guess what? They get along great! My son loves and admires his new senior companion. So what was the issue? It seems the new companion is a VERY hard working elder. They have no "down time" and spend every spare moment working. He has taught my son so much about an honorable work ethic and their purpose as missionaries. I understand there are companions who are truly difficult. But sometimes it might just be that an unwarranted bad reputation has preceded them. I'm sad to say that the elders who bad-mouthed my son's new companion were saying more about themselves than they were about him. Isn't that often the case where gossip is concerned? |
| My son has been in Guadalajara for three months now and his first two companions
were difficult for him. I was beginning to think he was the difficult one and
I'm sure he can be difficult at times, but his main complaint was that the senior
companions (the first two) did not want to work as hard as he did. He was eager
to GO and work; pray to have the Spirit, etc. He now has an excellent companion. He says, "I really love the guy." His new companion goes home next transfer but at least he has had the experience of having a GOOD one. In the MTC his companion didn't want to pray, sing, work, only wanted to eat. My son was called to be the District Leader almost as soon as he got to the MTC, and that didn't help either because he thought the rest of the district just wanted to fool around. Even though his first companions were "rough", I don't say too much in my emails to the group about the negative stuff because I know he is learning so much. I remind him of the saying he has hanging in his room,
Its Learning to Dance in the Rain. I really love being a member of these email groups. I've learned so much. I don't cry so much now! The first few months are rough! |
| I think the moms should remember that no matter how high a regard they
have for their own sons, or what their sons tell them about how hard the
companion is being, their son may very well be the problem! Also, as the mother of a boy whom I love and who has tremendous qualities that don't get a chance to shine in the stress cooker of mission life, I can tell you that I am very grateful for the mature, calm, compassionate companions that my son has had. They have nurtured him and been patient with him when he was having difficulties. I am so very grateful for those young men. |
| Hi Everyone, I haven't discussed this subject for a while so thought is was time. I think all missionaries have one or two companions they don't "hit it off" with. There are two sides to every story, too. I want everyone to be very cautious about the subject of "difficult companions", because two otherwise very wonderful people just might not get along well. I don't want the MM groups to turn into a gossipy place, either. Missionaries gossip enough. Just ask your own missionaries about their "grapevine" to learn things in the mission if you don't believe me. Missionaries talk about past companions, and when they get a transfer, ask about their next companion, etc. My advice to all parents and missionaries is to learn not to participate. When my missionaries wrote home and said they had a difficult companion, I would write back and say something like, "Well, now you know what real life is like. This is a good opportunity to practice learning traits like patience, virtue, love, and tolerance. After all, someday you might have a boss or a co-worker, or even one of your own children, who could be worse than this companion. Or a neighbor who might call the police every time your cat enters their yard. This is a time to learn to get along, no matter how difficult." The solution to difficult companions is not through other parents, but is a private matter between YOU and YOUR MISSIONARY. Let your own adult child deal with it. I don't want my kids calling me up when I am 90 years old to tattle to me about a bad neighbor or co-worker. Now, they may not tattle...perhaps that is a bad word because it implies that they want me to do something about it for them...instead, maybe the word gripe or vent? Griping is okay as long as you listen and let them solve the problem...they just need to vent. However, venting needs to be done privately, with as few people as possible involved, such as a husband and wife, or between the affected child and parent. I do not go to my mother-in-law when I am upset with her son! Nor do I go to my own mother about any of our marriage matters. This is a time for people (missionaries) to learn how to handle human relationships. I have had many church callings, and not everyone, even in leadership, get along. Two presidencies I have served in were released because the President and the 1st counselor in each case, were squabbling and having power struggles. They would want me to "pick sides", and I refused to play the game. In each case, they tattled on each other to their Priesthood leaders. So, this just isn't a missionary thing! But perhaps it is the first time our children come across this outside of sibling squabbles. It is hard when you live with someone and you rub each other wrong. But it is still between the two of them, and perhaps their Mission President.
I would suggest writing them letters of encouragement, and positive advice
on how to deal with people. Perhaps Stephen R. Covey's book would be a
good one to buy.
How to Succeed With People Just my two cents worth! I just want everyone to be cautious about companion talk. :) This list isn't the place for it unless it is kept positive. Read "What If Mine Is" on this page, too.
Betty Pearson, Lehi UT, Listowner
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which if you click, will take you to Amazon.com. I also noticed it at Deseret Book, but
it may not be there anymore.| My son struggled with a difficult senior companion when he was fairly
new in the field and relocated to Peru from Bolivia. He was assigned to
a disobedient, lazy companion that did not want to work, did not follow
mission rules and did not respect their mission president. My son was
shocked to say the least, especially just having had a very wonderful
companion that trained him. This companion let girls hug and kiss him on the cheek, hung out at the internet café on the internet for hours at a time, watched movies with other disobedient missionaries, and the list goes on. He told my son, "We can't be perfect in following all the rules." My son could not believe they had zero investigators when he got there, until he learned that this missionary did not work. At first he told the missionary that he should not do these things and show him the white handbook. He tried to be patient but said he found it hard to put all he had into his mission and area when his companion didn't care enough and was a "jerk." He told us, "I try to do my best everyday, but it is hard to put a smile on." Here is the funny part, "I'm trying, so please don't write back about how I need to be nicer, more positive, etc... I know. I'm trying. And yes, Dad, "forget yourself." I know. I'm trying. That's not just what I need right now." My son was frustrated (to say the least), unhappy and did not know what to do. As his parents we were very concerned, of course. Our prayers were fervent on his behalf. Now on to the next week's letter:
So I decided to try that out for myself, apply it in my life. It took some help from the Lord, but I was able to love my companion a little more each day. I tried to support him, look for the best. And in turn he started to take my ideas and counsel to heart on how we needed to be more obedient. It has been working really well. I listen to him, he listens to me. We come to an agreement. We have been seeing the fruits of our labors too. We now have investigators, people coming to church and today set a baptismal date for a dad who has been listening to the missionaries for years but never wanted to get baptized. It was really an answer to my prayers." So the lesson in all of this, as his parents, is that the hard trials our missionaries go through can be incredible lessons as they have only the Lord to rely on and learn from. I'm grateful now that we are not able to come to his rescue when he is struggling. We wanted to call the mission office and tell the president everything this missionary was doing, but luckily we didn't. The result was two missionaries that learned a lot and both became better from this experience.
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| My son is home now, but I remember the first nine months of his mission were
hard. He always considered himself someone who gets along with everyone, but he found himself with difficult companions every time he was transfered. It wasn't until he prayed for compassion and the ability to see his companion the way the Lord did, that he had an immediate change of heart, and from that point on, he was able to enjoy his mission and his companions and have some success. Sometimes the Lord gives them difficult companions for a reason. I know my son really learned a lesson from his experience. |